The Positive Trap
Recap: Beware of Toxic Positivity
Dear friends, after several days of learning, we have completed the discussion of the book “The Positivity Trap” by renowned American psychologist Whitney Goodman. Now, let’s take a moment to review and summarize the main points of this book.
Excessive pursuit of positivity can turn potentially beneficial positivity into toxic positivity. Whitney Goodman has expertly dissected this phenomenon and written a self-help book that delves into the idea that “positivity isn’t always helpful and can have negative consequences.”
Let’s recall how to distinguish between beneficial positivity and toxic positivity.
Beneficial positivity enables individuals to see the value in situations, come to sound conclusions, and encourages people to achieve their goals at their own pace. It doesn’t suppress the wide range of emotions people experience and acknowledges the duality of situations, including both the positive and negative aspects.
Toxic positivity only focuses on the bright side of things and doesn’t accept the darker aspects. It urges people to maintain a cheerful and optimistic attitude and disregards negative emotions and real struggles, emphasizing the idea that “tomorrow will be better, so stay positive.”
Toxic positivity has permeated many critical aspects of life, as illustrated in the book. For example, it’s often misused in the medical field, causing more negative consequences than positive encouragement for patients, families, and healthcare professionals. In the workplace, it equates positivity with morale, forcing many employees to suppress their true feelings and become stressed and unhappy.
Valuing positivity excessively and accepting clichés as truths can be bland at best and deeply damaging at worst. When positivity becomes the sole yardstick, we deny and suppress our negative emotions, preventing us from addressing common feelings such as anxiety, worry, sadness, and anger. There is no “shouldn’t” when it comes to experiencing these emotions; we must acknowledge and accept them.
Given that positivity doesn’t always work, it’s essential to learn how to communicate properly when dealing with important life events. Whitney Goodman addresses various sensitive topics in her book, such as infertility, miscarriage, profound grief, traumatic experiences, relationship struggles, and career challenges. In these situations, it’s crucial to be cautious in offering encouragement, avoiding blanket positivity, and instead offering empathy, support, and deep understanding.
Next, we delved into the concept of “emotions.” Emotions are not intellectual responses but involuntary reactions to environmental stimuli. They don’t easily dissipate, and they are challenging to control. Whether it’s positive or negative emotions, managing them effectively is crucial for maintaining a healthy mindset. We need to learn how to respond to emotions and coexist with them, resolving issues constructively.
In “The Positivity Trap,” Whitney Goodman introduces an intriguing technique called “labeling emotions” to help us change our emotional experience and feel more relaxed. This method involves two steps:
First, when you experience a particular emotion, try to accurately describe it — whether it’s happiness, loneliness, worry, disappointment, suspicion, relief, or nervousness. Labeling it helps you acknowledge your current emotional state.
Then, rather than avoiding that emotion, let it integrate into your life and examine it. You can keep a journal to record and observe your feelings. Engaging in other activities can help dilute the intensity of your emotions. Don’t fear the impact of your emotions; the more you can accept and coexist with them, the weaker their negative influence on you.
Among various emotions, complaining is a typical negative emotion. We may often be plagued by various complaints without considering how to resolve this situation. In the book, Whitney Goodman provides a fresh perspective on how to make complaining more effective. It involves understanding three key aspects: using facts and logic to discuss the issue, understanding what the ideal outcome is, and knowing who has the ability to help you achieve that ideal outcome. By clarifying these three points, complaining becomes more effective.
Next, the book discusses how to become an effective supporter. The best way isn’t to offer well-intended advice or assert your authority, but to listen attentively, genuinely understand, acknowledge and support, show empathy, and maintain appropriate boundaries.
In the book’s conclusion, the focus shifts back to our self-exploration. Whitney Goodman presents two contrasting ways of living: happiness-driven and value-driven.
Happiness-driven living centers on pursuing happiness as the ultimate goal, believing that all negative thoughts are threats to happiness and should be eradicated. According to this perspective, if someone doesn’t feel happy, it’s their fault for not trying hard enough.
In contrast, value-driven living prioritizes what is most important to the individual. It encourages people to find their core values and then find a path to manifest those values. Whitney Goodman recommends choosing a value-driven life because it allows us to align our lives with our values, even if it sometimes means experiencing pain, complaints, and other negative emotions. It ultimately leads to a more fulfilling life that aligns with our true values, rather than someone else’s idea of happiness.
Upon completing this book, we have gained a deeper understanding of the nuances of positivity. By learning to balance positive and negative emotions, develop empathy and maintain boundaries, find our core values, and actively pursue them, we can pave the way for a more fulfilling life.
So, this concludes our discussion of “The Positivity Trap.” We look forward to meeting you again in the next book. Goodbye!
Keep reading:
01 Introduction: Breaking Free from the Positive Trap, Becoming Friends with Emotions
02 Positivity Alone Can’t Solve Everything
03 What to Do When ‘Positivity’ Doesn’t Work (Part 1)
04 What to Do When “Positivity” Isn’t Working (Part 2)
05 How to Manage Emotions and Complain Effectively